This is a guest post from Jana at Daily Money Shot, a blog about money at the intersection of life, pop culture and everything in between.
I don’t know what a rich person is supposed to look like. When I see celebrities or people I think are rich, I don’t notice anything special about the way they’re dressed or the way their hair looks (except at awards shows when the jewelry is worth more than my entire neighborhood). I can’t tell the difference between a $400 white t-shirt and a $14 white t-shirt. Rich people don’t talk any differently and I certainly wouldn’t know if they spent their Saturday nights dining at some expensive restaurants or crashed on their couch watching old reruns of “Cheaters”. I’m fairly certain that, even though their bank accounts are way bigger than mine, they’re not all that different.
I don’t know what a poor person is supposed to look like either. In fact, I wouldn’t even know how to tell if someone was poor, for a lot of the same reasons I mentioned above. And, given the amount of celebrity shoplifters, there’s no way to tell if a rich person or a poor person, or even a middle class person, is going to steal. Apparently, though, a security guard at a jewelry store near my house does have that keen of an eye.
A few years ago, my husband and I went into the store to get my engagement ring and wedding ring cleaned. We were dressed in jeans and coats (it was winter, sometime in January) and had our infant daughter with us (who was in a stroller). We didn’t look any different than anyone else in the store, yet the guard targeted us as the thieving type (I assure you, we’re not). He then proceeded to follow us around the store for the entire time we were there. It was awkward, uncomfortable and made me feel awful. To this day, I refuse to go back to that store. I don’t ever want to feel like that again.
So why am I telling you this? I’m not really sure, quite honestly. Maybe it’s to point out that the old adage “you can’t judge a book by its cover” is completely true. While the guard at the store may have thought we looked like shoplifters, we sure weren’t. Taking it one step further, someone may look rich, but that doesn’t mean he is. And when we start comparing ourselves to people we think are one way without knowing the real story behind it, that’s when we enter, to quote the great Kenny Loggins, the danger zone.
The danger zone is where we start spending money we don’t have on things we don’t need, not just to keep up with the Joneses, but to surpass them. It’s where we look at our friends and family and, not knowing the intricacies of their finances, start getting ourselves into debt to impress and outdo them. They went to England for a week? We’re going on a 15 day cruise of the Greek Islands! They bought a 50” TV? We’re buying a 65” TV! He proposed on the beach? My finance proposed on a glacier! It goes on and on. The competitiveness is sickening. And a financial time bomb.
Why do we do it, then? Is it some need to keep up with what we think rich people do? Is it a need to seem “better” than our friends or wealthier than our friends? Perhaps we’re insecure and this is the way we can feel superior or envied. We want people to think we have money so we structure our purchases to look like we do. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy that, at the end of the day, leaves us still feeling insecure and with an emptier wallet.
I’ve been guilty of spending for those reasons. I did it a lot in my 20s. But as I get older, I realize how foolish it actually is. I’ve learned that most people who look “rich” aren’t rich at all. They’re just like everyone else.
Because really, what does rich look like?
12 thoughts on “What Does Rich Look Like?”
It’s kind of weird, but I believe all people who look rich, are rich. I make it a point to believe that everybody does follow my 1/10th rule of car buying so that a person driving a $50,000 BMW in SF does indeed make $500,000 or more. To me, that is only rational, b/c I believe people do not spend money they cannot afford.
That’s an interesting way of looking at things, Sam, but I don’t think it’s entirely realistic. I know plenty of people who do not spend in accordance with their income, which is why they’re in so much crippling debt. If everyone followed that rule, we’d have a whole bunch of topics to blog about.
There’s the aspirationals, the rich, and the TRULY wealthy. The danger is that the asipirationals try to spend like the wealthy without having that level of wealth.
Good point. I think it’s perhaps the aspirationals who are confusing the picture of what truly wealthy looks like.
I generally dress down when I go shopping because I do not want to be bothered by sales people. My only exception is when I buy shoes or a suit because I need to see how it will look together. I have never been treated badly infact just the opposite. Maybe it is attitude more than how you are dressed. I tried on $800 sports coats in shorts and shopped for expensive watches in jeans. Do rich people act differently? Perhaps more confident.
You’re very lucky that you’ve had the opposite experience. As far as my confidence, I never thought I didn’t belong there and I’m pretty sure I didn’t act nervous. I think the security guard just made some assumptions he shouldn’t have.
I so hate it when a saleslady or a guard follows me around whenever I get in a store! Not because we don’t wear signature clothes like the rich people do does not mean we mean to do something bad. So discriminative! Lucky for them, you simply decided not to go back to the store again. If I were in your shoes, I would walk out the store while intently leaving some words for the guard to hear. LOL
I let him know what I thought. I’m just glad I’ve chosen to speak with my money (by taking it elsewhere) than getting into a verbal spat. The money speaks way more loudly.
I also experienced being followed by a guard. The store guard thought I’m a shoplifter or maybe a terrorist. But I’m not. I’m just an ordinary familyman with little money to spend on unwanted products.
Most of the rich became rich because they value their hard-earned money. They know how to live frugal, grow their money and make their money work for them.
Wow, that’s terrible! Discrimination is a horrible thing. I remember reading in “The Millionaire Next Door” that many wealthy people drive cars that may be a year model older than the newest versions and do other things to control their money so they can save and invest more.
I agree with you Jana, I have seen people who would spend a lot more just because of social pressure.